The Making of a Harley Quinn Costume

The shoes:


The shirt:





The entire outfit:



Just living

Rose has been just living life. Going to fun birthday  parties and hanging out with friends. Last night  was tough  though. A few friends slept over at her bffs  house last night and she couldn’t. I don’t  think it had anything  with her being trans. The 2 kids that stayed over transferred schools and her bff hadn’t  seen them in a while so that was the only reason  they stayed the night.
We finally got her school pictures  on Friday and they came out SO good! I am so very happy with them:


I got other backgrounds too, but they’re  all the same pose. As soon as we get her brother’s ( he goes to a different  school and they use a different  company) we are going to hang the 8x10s  in our living  room. She is so excited  about  the fact that there will finally  be  pics up of her in the livingroom  for all to see. (We took the family  pics down from pre-transition ) She hadn’t asked us to take them down but I noticed she didn’t  seem comfortable  with them up. They are in the attic now with other  memories we love, but don’t need to display.
We are going up to see hubby’s  family  in PA next weekend where we will all be meeting hubby’s  father for the first time. We aren’t going  to tell him that Rose is trans, at least not yet! We dunno if we will have an actual  relationship  with  him so at this point it’s irrelevant. If we do like him and Rose  gets to know him and wants him to know then she can give us the ok or tell him herself.

Creating Safer Spaces

So tonight is the ‘Parent Institute’ that the principal  planned. I am hoping there’s a good turn out, but I’m also realistic. I have a feeling that, at most, it will be our circle of friends, my husband, myself and the 2 kids that are currently  living  with us.
There are 3 other parents I HOPE show up, but since 2 are in denial and 1 may not even know about the workshop I am pretty  doubtful  it will happen.
I am so exhausted  because I didn’t sleep last night, then I had to drive my husband into work this AM so I could take our son to his dr. appt  at 11a. I’m going to look like The Walking Dead cast me to play a zombie  part.
I am so happy the Mazzoni  Center  is doing the workshop. I really hope to speak to them  about starting  a small peer group for our community. There aren’t  many  youths who are out in our town, but I have a feeling that more will be in years to come and I want them to know there is a safe space for them.

6 months

And I think it’s time to share some pictures.
Today is the 6 month mark of the day Rose walked out of her house as her true self to go to school.
6 months,met it seems like she was NEVER Tanner. Probably  because she wasn’t  lol.
April  13th, 2015


This is her before bed on October  12th, 2015


Words will never be capable  of expressing  how proud I am of her strength  and her courage.
We live in a very small town and there’s  no way to be stealth  about her transition … still, her need to be true to herself was more important  than anything else  in the world.


It has now become a common  occurrence  for doctors and their staff to think I’ve mistakenly  checked the male box on forms.
This has happened in the ER as well.
Today when I explained  the situation  to the receptionist  at the dental office, she thought I was pulling her leg lol.
Guess I cannot blame them, I often forget her assigned gender as well and get quite the shock if I need to help her change (like when she swore she broke her wrist lol).
And this is only 6 months  post transitioning. I am constantly  amazed by the body knowing that the genetalia  is wrong.

School Picture Day

Is finally  upon us! Tomorrow  will be R ‘ s first professional  pics. Soooo, of course I went a tad overboard lol.
Each sheet will have a different  background  and her name & grade will be on all the pictures.
She has forgotten  that tomorrow  is pictures  so we haven’t had the “is have nothing  to  wear” fiasco  occur  yet. I have a feeling  that tonight  will be a hair touch up and rummaging  through every outfit  she owns kinda night.

UPDATED: 10/6/15 @ 12:11A
Just emailed the principal to make sure R is listed by her name now and not her birth name when her class goes to take pictures. I’m sure she is, but … FUCKING ANXIETY!!!

Law & Order SVU : Not just fiction

Tonight’s episode  sent me into a full-blown panic attack withing the first few moments.  In fact, I was so upset that I immediately  went onto the FB support group  I belong to in order to let everyone  know  that  this episode  could be triggering for our community.  Luckily  R was in her room and didn’t  hear when the assailants  were calling the young  trans girl things like “he/she” and “tranny” or when they were attempting  to take her skirt off to see what her genitals were.
I chose to continue  watching  the episode  to see how this episode  of SVU would handle this issue.
I admire the remorse  by the main assailant  but I tend to agree with the DA to a point.  We make choices  in life, we must accept  that there can be consequences  for those choices.
This child targeted  a trans person, attempted to look up her skirt, used derogatory  language and assaulted  her. That assault  resulted in the death of a HUMAN BEING.
As the parent  of a trans-girl and a bonus mom of a trans-man … I do not take that lightly. This episode  highlighted the fear I experience  for my children EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Need your help

My friend Hannah Simpson is a trans advocate and journalist, working on a new piece about schools which are “doing it RIGHT” by trans students, as opposed to the contrary, which we hear about all too often.

You might have seen some of her work with Refinery29, or when she was a guest on MSNBC. She also works as an organizer for the Trans Lifeline. She and I met in person at this past year’s Philadelphia Trans Health Conference, she is legitimate and has become a penpal for my own daughter.

Hannah is looking for parents and schools/administrators who might be willing to speak to her, by phone or in person (if local to NY metro area), but anywhere in the US or Canada is fine. She is looking for a mix of experiences, public or private schools are fine, and at all levels elementary through university. She understands the sensitivity that comes with this, so her final story would not need to include real names of any students or their parents.

Some things that might be useful:

1. Did your school bring your child’s potentially being transgender to your attention as a parent?
2. Did your school anticipate any of your child’s needs in a way that surprised you?
3. Did your school successfully handle a crisis, as it came up. Examples: Teasing, a bully, etc…

The goal is to collect some of these examples and push the conversation on best practices.

R and I are hoping  our principal  will participate.

If you are interested, please comment here or you can reach out to Hannah directly via Facebook or message me and I’ll send you her phone number. Thanks so much for your help!

Marriage Equality passed so STFU

I am really tired of hearing  this in a round about way out of the mouths of everyone  from the “straight” folk all the way to the LGBTQ  +  community.
Simply being allowed to get married is inconsequential  to those in the community  who are still being discriminated  against even by those IN THEIR OWN “COMMUNITY”.
We are all more than thrilled that marriage  equality  is law now. Hell the gay rights  movement  was kicked off by transgender  folk and drag queens.
What the trans community  is NOT happy about is the fact that even amongst  the LGBTQ  +  community  they are more likely  to be discriminated against when it comes to housing, jobs and health care. They are more likely  to self-harm  or kill themselves. Transwomen  are being killed off too fast. Transwomen  of color… let’s not even get into that right now!!!
Trans – girls are thinking  about self harming  behavior as young as 5 YEARS  OLD! 5 folks… what were YOU worried about at 5? Me, I was worried about getting a cabbage  patch doll for Christmas  or if I’d  have to eat my Brussel sprouts  before I could have dessert. I sure wasn’t  worried about what would happen if  I went to school and the kids beat me up for using the boys bathroom  instead of the girls.  I sure wasn’t  worried that if I told mommy what gender I was that she’d hate me. I sure as shit wasn’t  worried about my vagina being the WRONG part for my body.
I knew if I needed medical care, I would get it. I knew that the teacher would TEACH me rather than single me out for being different. I knew  that my family loved me.
How in the hell is marriage the end all of LGBTQ  +  rights!!!???
Instead of telling me to sit down and shut up, instead of saying  “got what I wanted, y’all are on your own” . .. how about the COMMUNITY  rally around and say “We are NOT done, we need to support those who catapulted  this success in THEIR  time of need!!!”!?
Marriage  equality  isn’t  going to mean much to my daughter  if she isn’t alive to get married!